Our new episode is up! In it we talk about the awesome and ridiculous Fast & Furious 6, some of Charlie Chaplin's early work, the new season of Arrested Development, and we talk about how Paul Walker looks like a mixture of a baboon's ass and an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog being burned by satan... and that's a good thing.
After a 3-4 week hiatus, the least respected podcasters in the film world are back. This episode, we warn of the dangers of bubble gum, discuss the necessary amount of damage needed to destroy a spaceship, and talk about movies or whatever... Mostly Star Trek.
When Baz Luhrmann approached me with the idea of making a 2+ hour long feature based on The Great Gatsby, I was enthralled. "If anyone could create a respectable remake of Gatsby," I thought to myself, "it would be Baz." Unfortunately, I didn't realize at the time that when Baz said, "I'm thinking of remaking Gatsby," what he really meant was: "Three words, Josh: Computer. Generated. Images..... And I mean just about all of it. Cars, buildings, people, waves, lights, housecats... They're all going to be fake! I don't even think anyone will notice... probably. I also want a lot of voiceovers. Like, a LOT a lot. Soooo, we'll need a narrator. Hey, what's Spiderman up to?? No, the other one... Yeah, Maguire........................ Okay, book him. Wait a second- Holy shit, this is good- whenever Maguire does his voiceovers, we'll put the words that he's saying all over the screen, but in like a really cool calligraphy font, and it'll like fade away and shit as he speaks. We can probably squeeze like 40 or so of those scenes in. OMG, get my font guy on the phone. I'm so excited! Am I missing anything? No, I think that's just abou- FUCK! I almost forgot! GLITTER!!!!! Like so much glitter, seriously. We know glitter people, right??????"
Had I known what he really meant, I would have been weary. Gatsby was a fucking disaster.
Let me just say up front that I am a definitely a fan of Luhrmann's work (Strictly Ballroom, Romeo + Juliet, Moulin Rouge!, Australia), so I was really looking forward to Gatsby. But before the opening credits were even over, I started losing hope for this film. I found it increasingly difficult to find even one element of this film that I could enjoy. I couldn't latch on to or feel anything towards any of the characters. They were just fucking boring. Decently acted, sure, but terribly written. His adaptation of this timeless story was uncompelling, at best. Luhrmann didn't even deliver on his striking visuals, as he usually does. This movie looked like shit. Everything was so blatantly fake, that it took me completely out of it. And I don't mind a CG-fest every once in a while, if it's done properly (take Hugo, for example), but Gatsby just looked awful. From the fake snow in the opening scene, to the fucking text that plagues the screen throughout the entire movie, there is really not much of anything to marvel at during The Great Gatsby.
So, readers, see it or don't see it, I dont really care, but lower your expectations if you do.
Indochine needed a music video. Xavier Dolan needed a fucking job. And so, “College Boy” was born.
Xavier Dolan is the respectable 24-year old Canadian filmmaker who created I Killed My Mother, Heartbeats, and Laurence Anyways. Yesterday, Dolan’s music video for French band Indochine started sweeping across the internet in a wave of violent controversy. The story follows a young boy who is being bullied in school, and the consequences, or lack thereof, for him and his bullies. Dolan takes this 6-minute time slot and creates a completely captivating, compelling, emotional, and beautiful music video for a song that couldn’t compliment Dolan’s style better.
Here is a link to the uncensored cut of the video. Not safe for work, unless your work encourages bloody, French, teenage crucifixions.
Some people think that The Shining is about a man working as a winter caretaker in a haunted, isolated hotel, who loses his sanity, and lets loose on a violent, psychotic terror spree, trying to murder his wife and psychic child. Those people are fucking idiots. The Shining is obviously about the mass genocide of the American Indians... Or wait, no, it's definitely about the Holocaust. Fuck, fuck, no, I forgot... It's about the faking of the 1969 moon landing... Or so say the minds at the helm of Room 237.
Room 237 is the latest attempt from documentarian Rodney Ascher. This documentary explores several (often) comical theories about Stanley Kubrick's 1980 film, The Shining. Theories like The Shining was in fact a metaphor for the Holocaust. You're probably thinking, "Josh, I saw The Shining. I don't remember any Nazi's in that movie!" Well, readers, you're right! There AREN'T any Nazi's in The Shining! But how then were such conclusions drawn? Well, I'm glad you asked. Remember the scene where Danny, the young boy, was brushing his teeth before they moved to the hotel for the winter? Well, his sweater had the number "42" on it... 1942 was the year that the Germans decided to exterminate all the Jews. Shit, how did I miss that?! There were also 42 cars in the parking lot of the hotel before it closed for the winter. And as if that wasn't evidence enough that The Shining is actually about the Holocaust, the typewriter that Jack uses is German-made. Case closed. The Shining = The Holocaust.
Room 237 is chock-full of theories as absurd and far fetched as the Holocaust theory. I'm all for analyzing films. I think many, many films are full of subtle undertones that are worth studying. Not to say that The Shining isn't one of those films, but the theories in this film are often so comical, it's almost degrading to the brilliance of The Shining. After 237 was finished, Leon Vitali, Stanley Kubrick's personal assistant on The Shining, shed a little bit of light on some of the theories. He tells us the real reason a German typewriter was used, for example: "That was Stanley's typewriter." Oh wait, that makes sense, actually. This article In the New York Times dives a little bit deeper into these theories, and features more insight from Mr. Vitali. You may as well give it a quick read.
I didn't totally hate Room 237. I appreciate the fact that people put so much weight on Stanley Kubrick's films. Kubrick was one of the most brilliant filmmakers the industry has ever seen, and his films deserve to be analyzed over and over and over again, Room 237 just takes it too far, in my opinion. It's comical, and for someone who has seen The Shining countless times, it's at the very least entertaining to see such different opinions and viewpoints on on the film. At the end of the day, however, it's basically nonsense.
The Shining, however, is in a fucking league of its own. The first time I saw it, I was 13. I remember my parents wouldn't let me watch it, so I borrowed the DVD from my uncle, and snuck into the bathroom late one night to watch it (as a kid, this was a regular place for me to watch movies I wasn't allowed to watch. For some reason, my parents wouldn't let me watch Apocalypse Now, but had no issues with me taking a laptop into the bathtub, or taking 2-hour baths every night. You know that lowers semen productivity, right guys? Thanks a lot, now I'll probably never be able to have kids). So there I was, laptop in the bathtub, headphones in. I was so fucking enveloped and terrified by The Shining, that I didn't realize that the bath water had gone cold, and my penis had shriveled into what looked like a brown, Romanian, vitamin-sized raisin. Over ten years and countless viewings later, The Shining still holds its weight. One of the truly great horror movies of the 80's, and another notch on the bedpost of Stanley Kubrick's nearly perfect filmography. Now is probably a pretty good time to pick up the Blu-ray, if you don't have it already.
Love, Josh...
...Your twin-murdering, wife-chopping, snow-plowing neighbor.
Sorry our podcast isn't on iTunes right now. We're in the middle of some crippling technical issues, but we should be live again in the next few days. In the meantime, you can download our episodes directly from here http://filmperverts.libsyn.com/webpage
Only a year after Tree of Life, Terrence Malick has cranked out another film, and he's got three more on the horizon. This is fucking fast for him. He took a 20 year break after Days of Heaven. He must either be really strapped for cash, or he's just sick to fucking death of fly fishing. In any case, his latest film, To the Wonder, finally has its wide release. I just watched it.
To the wonder stars Ben Affleck, Olga Kurylenko, Rachel McAdams, and Javier Bardem, who combined, probably say about 35 words during the whole film. This is not a bad thing. Malick also teamed up again with acclaimed cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki, and this may be his most gorgeous work yet. Absolutely fucking breathtaking. Top it off with Hanan Townshend's second soundtrack (first being Tree of Life), and you're in for one of the most visually and aurally stimulating films you'll see all year.
If I could materialize To the Wonder into something cock-shaped, I would deep throat that bitch to death... I loved this movie so much. Terrence Malick is no stranger to breaking conventions and pushing the boundaries of cinema, and his latest work may be one of his finest examples of just that. To the Wonder is, if possible to summarize, a story about love. A story of losing love, a story of discovering love, a story of rekindling love. We see five fucking billion movies a year that revolve around love, but To the Wonder stands above them all, and stands as one of the most unique, transcending, dream-like cinematic experiences I've had in a long time.
There's something about Malick's films that makes them almost intangible, which is probably there is such a great divide between those who think that Malick is the most pretentious, self-indulgent pieces of shit in Hollywood, and those who would drag their face through a vat of live scorpions just to nibble on Malick's toenails for a little while... Me? I love him. I love To the Wonder. This film, to me, isn't about a story, a narrative, or its characters- it's about a feeling. The feeling of love. There are countless films about love with arguably more relatable characters. There are countless films that more deeply explore the ideas and notions of love, but To the Wonder, while saying almost nothing, seems to say it all. To the Wonder captures the essence of this intangible feeling, and is one of the more visceral explorations on the idea. There were countless moments in this film that just gave me the chills. Not because of the narrative or the dialogue, but because of these short, silent, naturally-lit scenes, that even without any context, say more about love than I'll ever be able to. I can't even always understand it, but it just works (for me, anyways). Some people will think they're watching a 2-hour behind-the-scenes shoot for a Free People catalogue, and that's understandable, but open yourself to Terrence Malick, and just let him take you. Let him have his way with you. You won't be sorry.
-J
Jeff Nichols' MUD wasn't an easy one to sit through... Not because of content or subject matter, but because it's almost fucking painful to see a fourteen year old give such a great performance... When I was fourteen, I was still trying to figure out how to masturbate with a banana peel (Where was Yahoo Answers 10 years ago?!) , and this little motherfucker (Tye Sheridan) finds himself in a role opposite Matthew McConaughey, and completely carries his weight on screen. This kid has his shit together.
MUD is a story about two young boys, Ellis and Neckbone (Mr. Tye Sheridan and first-timer Jacob Lofland), who encounter a fugitive hiding out on an island in the middle of the Mississippi River. This fugitive's name is Mud (Matthew McConaughey).... I know what you're thinking: two boys, Matthew McConaughey, island, The Mississippi River, mud.... This is a classic setup for a rape. Well, the joke's on you, reader! Jeff Nichols masterfully crafts a perfectly paced, intimate story of adventure, love, trust, and understanding.
Jeff Nichols has definitely become one of the handfull of Hollywood auteurs we need to start worshipping. His filmography is still young, but even in the last two years between Mud and Take Shelter, Nichols has made a name for himself. He is creating such a distinct storytelling and visual style, that I'm sure "Nichols-esque" will soon be a household adjective amongst cinephiles. Don't miss Mud. So skillfully crafted, gorgeously photographed (Thanks to Nichols' right-hand man, Adam Stone), and solidly acted, this is sure to pepper top ten lists once this year comes to an end.
Your friendly banana basher, Josh.
Holy hell, Pain and Gain was a fucking blast. Seriously. The entire time I was watching this movie, I was grinning ear to ear, thinking "how in the shit did this movie get made?!" And how did this get made by Michael Bay, of all people?? We're talking about the guy who made films like Bad Boys, Pearl Harbor, The Rock, Armageddon, and the fucking Transformers movies... and then he does this. Bay takes a huge step back with the explosions and the robots, and a huge step forward with the protein shakes. And guess what, readers? It totally fucking works.
Pain and Gain is a story about three steroid-filled, cripple-cocked body builders in Miami (Mark Whalberg, Dwayne Johnson, and Anthony Mackie), who get sick and tired of being poor idiots, and decide to do whatever it takes to become rich idiots. Their grand scheme is to kidnap a millionaire / aspiring strong man (Tony Shalhoub), and force him to sign over all of his possessions to them. Perfect plan. Except they're fucking dick-headed stupid idiot bitches, so it's not that perfect.
This is one of the most absurd, over-the-top movies I've seen all year, and it totally works because of that. This isn't a film that's held together by it's strong performances, because it doesn't really have any. This is just a true story that is so absurd, and DONE so stylishly, that you can't help but love it. Bay pulled out all of the fucking stops on this one and just went with it, and for me, it completely works.
If you have any interest in seeing any of the things on the following list, then it'll probably work for you, too.
1. Mark Whalberg whining like Mark Whalberg
2. Dwayne Johnson reading the Bible / wearing t-shirts that say "Team Jesus"
3. Tony Shalhoub lifting weights and/or flexing in the mirror
4. Dwayne Johnson snorting coke off a sexy stripper's ass
5. A sexy stripper having coke snorted off her ass
6. Mark Whalberg coaching a kid's basketball team
7. Mark Whalberg teaching kids life lessons / how to get pussy
8. Fake tits
9. Rebel Wilson using nunchucks
10. Toes
So that's it. Go see Pain and Gain, and let's encourage Michael Bay to make more movies like this, so our future generations of perverts won't have to be subjected to Transformers 23.
Our new episode is up. In it, we talk about the typical Blu-ray news, idiotic steelbook over-saturation, this 4K....nonsense, and dive into Danny Boyle's TRANCE (by way of Rosario Dawson's clean shaven pussy).
Yesterday, you would have had a hard time convincing me that Matteo Garrone isn't one of the most important and unique active Italian film makers . Today, after seeing his latest film, Reality, it would be fucking impossible.
Reality is an intricate, detailed story of Luciano (Aniello Arena), a man who becomes completely and helplessly obsessed with the idea of become a contestant on an Italian reality television series called Big Brother. This is an idea that he was initially more or less indifferent to, but once he starts imagining what his life will be like if were to be accepted onto the show, this idea begins to consume him like a fucking plague. Virtually everything in his life becomes valueless, and is used for nothing else other than to potentially bring him one step closer to being on the show. The film shows with incredible expertise just how consumed we can get over an idea or a dream, and how detached from our reality we can become as a result.
What makes this film so special to me (aside from its incredible execution) is how relatable it is. I'm sure we've all lost touch with our realities over someone or something. For example, the first time I fell in love with a stripper, I kind of lost my mind. For those 17 months, I didn't even know who I was, or what I was doing. I was like a robot. An extremely dangerous, restraining-order violating robot. At one point during my infatuation, I looked at my penis and realized that I had tied cute little bows around it with locks of her hair... I don't even know how I got her hair... This was 48 hours after I had first seen her. Things only escalated from that point, and eventually I kind of had to pump the brakes on that situation a little bit, but it wasn't easy. You see, my stripper was Luciano's Big Brother... Or rather, the reality TV show Big Brother was to Luciano, as that beautiful red-headed stripper was to me.. I don't think Luciano's big brother is an actual stripper. In any case, Reality is a film you won't likely forget, and I can't recommend it highly enough.
Oh, and as if Garrone's highly skilled direction wasn't enough, it's accompanied by a hauntingly beautiful score by Alexandre Desplat, and one of the best first-time performances I've seen in a long time, courtesy of Aniello Arena. Go see Reality, I can almost guarantee you won't be sorry you did.
Your friendly neighborhood stripper-stalker, Josh.
I'm sure that after hearing us shamelessly plug Wooden Lens week after week on the show, you're at least familiar with the name. Check out our website, assholes, we just finished our demo reel.
http://wearewoodenlens.com
This week we take you to the beyond with a double feature review: Derek Cianfrance's The Place Beyond the Pines, and Cristian Mungiu's Beyond the Hills. We also talk about the usual film and Blu-ray news, and give a mini-review of the Sega Genesis video game Aladdin. Ben says its too hard, but I love it.
Yesterday the red-band trailer for Nicholas Winding Refn's ONLY GOD FORGIVES made the internet fucking sexy again. If you're anything like me, this trailer is going to launch you into a violent fury of homicidal sexual psychosis, so maybe don't watch this if you're around children or at work... Unless you work inside of Ryan Gosling's shiny, red asshole
I'm just going to come right out and say that Christian Mungiu's Beyond the Hills is nothing short of a masterpiece... Just a goddamn masterpiece. It's been five years since he blew our assholes into outer space with 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days, and now, Mr. Mungiu come back with a vengeance.
Beyond the Hills is a fact-based story that focuses on two young women (played by Cristina Flutur and Cosmina Stratan) in a Romanian Orthodox Monastery, which is located beyond some hills. It is an engrossing look into the side-effects and insanities of organized religion, and the deep-seeded flaws of mankind, with consequences only magnified by the psychologically complex relationship between these two young women. Mungiu delivers this story with a shockingly unbiased and fair point of view, focusing more on the failure of common goodness and sense, rather than the existence of evil. To get into plot specifics would be to tread into spoiler territory, and also just awful for me (I hate writing), so I'll leave you with these parting words: JUST WATCH THIS FUCKING MOVIE.
Love, Josh
In this episode, Ben and I talk about what we've been watching, Blu-ray news, spoiled Czechoslovakian feminists, pornography, the Houston 500, Daisies, and most importantly, SPRING BREAKERS.
25 years after its theatrical release, Robert Zemeckis's Who Framed Roger Rabbit has finally made its way to Blu-ray today.
Being raised it what was essentially a Pornography Prohibition, Jessica Rabbit is primarily what made me love this movie as a child. Looking back, she probably played a pretty big part in the shaping of my fetish for redheads, too... Anyways, as an adult, I watch this movie, and I marvel at the fact that it was ever even made. Catching all the humor that flew over my head as a kid, only now do I grasp how absurdly brilliant this live action / animated comedic film noir truly is. Definitely one of the zaniest comedies of its time, and maybe even of ours. I can't recommend this release highly enough. Now, time for a quick nostalgic wank...
This episode we are joined by Portland lesbian Allie Miller, for talk on Ru Paul's Drag Race, Con Air, this week's Blu-ray releases, film news, new trailers, Dwayne Johnson (The motherfucking ROCK), Nazi children, and abortion(s). Our main review is Cate Shortland's LORE, which we love.
P.S. Sorry again for the pizza delivery interruption.
If you bozos are even 1/100th as much in love with ZERO DARK THIRY as we are, you'll pop your saggy bladder over this: Best Buy has an exclusive steelbook available for pre-order. Order it now, this one will go fast.
